As Long As There's Sun
by MorgantheFae
Summary: After the battle, secrets come clear. Yona and Hak have to come to terms with their feelings both for each other and for Soo-won. Set immediately after ch176; Sooyonak.
1. As Long As There's Sun

**Disclaimer:** Mizuho Kusanagi is the lady. I'm just the nerd.

* * *

Hak couldn't have heard right. He _hadn't_ heard right. Had he?

No, he had. Yona said she loved him. _Yona_ said she loved _him_.

And she was waiting for an answer. He had to say something. This was the chance he had dreamed of, that he'd never thought would actually come. He had to say something to her.

So, of course, he opened his mouth and said the worst thing possible.

"What about Soo-won?" He could have kicked himself. Yona had opened herself up, said she loved him, and he just brought up the guy who broke her heart.

Yona's eyes widened. "He–" She broke off, coughing. She was pushing the medicine Kye-sook had sent too far, too fast. She should be resting her voice.

Hak dropped his hand on her head. "Right, shut up."

Yona knocked his hand away. "Hak, _Soo-won,"_ she hissed urgently.

Hak blinked.

Then he got it.

They hadn't seen Soo-won since the battle. He was the one person they didn't know if he was all right. He was the one person . . .

Hak swooped Yona up and slung her over his shoulder, paying no heed to the indignant squeak of air that left her lungs at the impact. He was too busy running, weaving through the camp to find him like nothing had ever happened and the two of them were as close to Soo-won as they had ever been.

He wasn't that hard to find. The commanders would be located near the center of the camp, where the most people were coming and going. Hak had spent enough time as a general to recognize which field headquarters belonged to the commander in chief.

He rounded a standing screen and there he was, Soo-won, having his left arm tied up in a sling.

Hak stopped in his tracks and just stared for a moment, chest heaving as he tried to get his breath. Soo-won was all right. He was injured, but he was alive. And Kye-sook was giving them the evil eye.

And then Hak remembered that he and Yona were still technically in hiding, and that Soo-won was a traitor who had killed Yona's father, and that she probably wanted to be let down.

He tried to put her down gently, but she was squirming, and he was tired, and he ended up more or less dropping her. Yona planted a delicate elbow firmly in his side as she got up.

"Hak! Yona!" Soo-won all but ran the few steps separating them. "Are you all right? Yona, i heard your throat was damaged by the smoke?"

Yona shook her head, waving her hands. "I'm fine," she croaked. Her voice was barely above a whisper, but at least she sounded better than she had half an hour ago. "What about–" she pointed at Soo-won's arm.

He looked down, as if he'd forgotten it was in a sling, and then he tried to pull his robe over it, like that would work. "It's not serious. It looks worse than it is."

Hak didn't say anything. What was he doing here? He'd reacted without thinking when Yona said his name, but now that Soo-won was safe, Hak was remembering all kinds of things. Things like murder, and a grudge. Things like how Soo-won was supposed to be their enemy.

It was so easy to keep that in mind when everything was calm, but in the heat of the moment, it was like every unforgivable thing Soo-won had done was erased from Hak's mind.

"And Hak!" Soo-won turned to him, and Hak's stomach lurched. With what, he wasn't sure. "You're not hurt, are you?"

"I'm fine," Hak said brusquely. He wasn't _fine,_ it was impossible to go through a battle without taking some damage, but it was nothing he couldn't handle, and more importantly, it was nothing Soo-won needed to worry about.

Soo-won raised his eyebrows, and Hak was seized with the awful feeling that he saw right through him, but he didn't call Hak out. Instead, he hesitated – Hak could see him biting the inside of his lip – and then seized Hak and Yona's hands, stepping in close to them. His grip on Hak was awkward, thanks to the sling, but Hak barely noticed, his senses too full of Soo-won's proximity. "I'm happy to see you both, and that you're not seriously hurt, but you can't be here right now." Hak could almost believe Soo-won was trying to get rid of them, if it weren't for the way he was squeezing their hands so tightly it felt like he might never let go.

"We were just leaving," Hak said without pulling free.

Yona pressed her free hand to Soo-won's forearm. "We'll go," she rasped. "Take care."

Soo-won slowly nodded, and with a deep breath he released them. "You too," he said softly. "Both of you," he added, looking up at Hak. "Be careful out there."

"I'll take care of her," Hak said flatly, putting a hand on Yona's arm.

Soo-won's smile was crooked. "But who will take care of you?"

"I will," Yona said firmly. Her voice caught a little at the end of the word. "See you." It was barely a whisper.

Hak nodded to Soo-won, ignored Kye-sook, and guided her away. Yona was silent as they started back towards their tent.

She remained that way until they were a safe distance away from Soo-won's headquarters, and then she started to cough.

"Been holding that in, have you?" Hak drawled. Yona shook her head as she covered her mouth. She was coughing too much to speak, but her eyes flashed a furious violet.

Hak sighed and picked her up, more gently this time. "Come on, Princess. Let's get you back to bed." Yona nodded roughly.

The coughing had eased by the time they got back to the tent, which was just as well. Yoon was still out tending to injured soldiers, so he couldn't tell them off for overdoing it, but Hak didn't feel like being criticized by the Dragons, either.

Turned out he'd worried for nothing. Shin-ah was still there when they came in, but the others had left. Probably went to see what they could do, like Yoon, or to participate in the victory celebrations.

Hak slanted his gaze at Shin-ah for a moment in greeting before he lay Yona back down on her pallet. Yona pushed at him weakly, but it was only a token protest. She must be exhausted.

Hak was tired himself, so he settled down beside her to rest. He didn't know how long he sat there half-awake, but after a while Zeno popped in and brought Shin-ah away with him. After that Hak almost drifted into a proper doze, and it was dark when Yona sat up.

Hak was just aware enough to pretend he'd been awake the whole time. "Princess."

"Hak." Yona's voice was still scratchy, but it sounded better than it had. "Have you been sitting up this whole time?"

"Course," he responded. She looked around. Torchlight from outside cast shadows over her face. "What about the others?"

Hak didn't need to check; he'd have woken up if someone had come into the tent. "Not back yet."

Yona nodded slowly.

It occurred to Hak that he'd never actually given her an answer to her confession. He should probably do that. Yeah. "Ah, Yona . . ." He realized a moment too late that he'd slipped out of the formality she'd requested from him.

"Hak? What do you think about Soo-won?" she asked abruptly, at almost the same time. Her eyes widened, and she started to flush.

Hak knew what he should say. "He killed the king. He betrayed you – us. I trusted him, i–" He stopped himself. "You know what i think. I can't forgive him for what he's done. He made himself our enemy."

Yona bit her lip, and looked up at him through her lashes. "But is that how you really feel?"

Hak squirmed. Yona's eyes were piercing right through him. Normally he liked her fierce side, but turned against him . . . No, he still liked it.

"I miss him," he admitted. "I should hate him, but when he's around, i keep slipping back into old habits."

"Yeah," Yona agreed in a soft voice. "I thought i could hate him, but it only works when i don't see him. As soon as he's there, he's . . . he's Soo-won again. He's still Soo-won. You know what i mean."

Hak nodded.

Yona wrapped her arms around her legs, resting her chin on her knees. "I just can't forget the way we used to be. It's the same for you, right?"

"Yeah." Hak rubbed his neck.

Yona stared down at the ground. "Earlier, when i said–" She stopped. "I mean – You asked me, what about Soo-won."

"I didn't mean–" Hak started, but Yona cut him off. "No, you were right to ask." Her face was flushed dark in the half-light. "I don't know if it's possible to . . . just stop loving someone. I've tried, i tried so hard, but i can't stop loving him. He was with us for so long, and now whenever i think of him, it's like there's a piece of us missing."

Hak wasn't sure he could trust his voice to come out. "It's the same for me," he said hoarsely.

Yona looked up at him. "You mean–"

"I love him," Hak said. The words were coming out too fast, as if he'd just been waiting for Yona to give him the opportunity. "And i love you. I couldn't support him after that, and i needed to protect you. I had to make a choice."

Yona's eyes were brimming with tears. She flung herself at him, hitting his chest at an awkward angle. Hak wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close. "I don't want to have to choose," she whispered. "I love you both. I want to be with you both. I wish things didn't have to be like this."

"Yeah." Hak held her tighter, pressed his face into her hair. Things could have been so different, if they'd only figured this out a year ago. He could never forget the sound of King Il's blood dripping from Soo-won's sword, but more and more lately he was remembering the way light played on Soo-won's hair, the sound of his laugh, his crazy, brilliant ideas. Maybe he'd never forget those either.

Yona turned against him, curling up in Hak's arms in a way that made it very difficult for him to think. "I want to talk to Soo-won," she murmured.

"What are you going to say?" He had no idea what _he_ would say, if he had the chance to have a real talk with Soo-won.

She curled in tighter on herself. "I don't know."

"Just gonna see how it goes, huh?"

Yona sighed. "I shouldn't. If i go to see him, without knowing what i want to say, about . . ." She took a shaky breath. "About what he's done, and about what i feel – i don't even know really how i feel – then it's just going to . . ." She trailed off and sighed. "I think it'll probably make things worse."

Hak tipped his head back. "I have some things i want to ask him, too. And then i'll probably have to think about what he says for a long time."

"Yes." He felt the tension ease out of her body, like she was finally done fighting for a bit. "That sounds like a good idea. Next time we see him, we should . . . ask him."

"Yeah." Hak let his head fall forward again, back into Yona's hair. Putting off talking to Soo-won . . . It sounded like a good idea and not, all at the same time. But this wasn't bad, right here. He could stay like this for a while.

So could Yona. The faint rasp of a snore sounded from the girl in his arms, and he let himself smile. Yeah, he could stay like this for a while.

After what felt like a long time, he tucked Yona back into her pallet. He was in no mood right now for the comments Droopy Eyes would inevitably make when he saw them together. There would be time enough for that tomorrow.

* * *

**A/N:** I suppose i've annoyed all the mono Yonak fans by inserting Soo-won into the confession (and for making it angsty, because that's how i do feelings), but i do what i want. *shrugs* Shoutout to YenGirl, because if i hadn't had someone to talk to about what a great ship Sooyonak is these past couple weeks, i would never have taken this kind of inspiration from this chapter.


	2. As Long As There's Rain

**Timeline note:** This chapter was outlined around chapter 180 of the manga, so it's a bit AU regarding anything that happens after that.

**Warnings:** Violence in the flashback, angst throughout.

* * *

Damn Kye-sook.

It was bad enough that he'd brought Yona and her Dragons to live at Hiryuu Castle. Oh, Soo-won longed to have her back here again, but not like this. This wasn't right.

Hak should be here, for one. He wouldn't leave Yona's side, Soo-won knew that with a certainty beyond belief, so the fact that he wasn't with her now indicated just how wrong it all was. Nothing should've kept him away.

Hak and Yona both belonged here, but Soo-won still wasn't ready to face either of them yet. He hadn't done enough yet, and having Yona so near, and worrying about Hak, made it impossible to focus on anything else. He could only think of what _should be,_ and he knew full well how ironic _that_ was.

Too bad the whole situation had been engineered. Yona coming here, the spectacle of the tournament, Yona's seating and the misconception it had sparked, it had all been arranged by one person.

Soo-won trusted Kye-sook. He was intelligent and efficient, and he loved Kouka. Soo-won wouldn't be half the king he was or wanted to be without Kye-sook's help. But this wasn't about the economy or foreign affairs. This was Yona. Her life wasn't a political scheme to weave, and Soo-won couldn't let that happen to her. Not after everything else he'd done to throw her life out of control.

And so, after the debacle that Kye-sook's tournament turned out to be, he went to talk to Kye-sook in private. His office would do, even if it _was_ piled high with scrolls and books and everything he should be focusing on instead of confronting his advisor about Yona.

Soo-won didn't care. He couldn't focus with this hanging over him anyway. "What were you thinking, putting Yona in the queen's chair?" he demanded. His words were blunt. This didn't call for circumspection.

Kye-sook inclined his head. "I thought only to show her the proper respect," he replied. "She _is_ the only child of the previous king."

"Yes, but she's an honored guest, not a co-regent! Thanks to you, all of the city will think she's engaged to be my wife by now!"

Kye-sook's face was a study in calculated blankness. "I was under the impression that you once hoped to take her to wife, and to marry King Il's daughter would solidify your rule. Would it be so terrible?"

Soo-won bit back any retort he might have had about interference in his love life. After all, love was so rarely a factor in royal marriages. Instead, he asked carefully, "Where is Hak?"

To his credit, Kye-sook didn't avoid Soo-won's eyes. "I couldn't allow him to enter the castle. It would have been an unforgivable breach of security. He is still a danger to Your Majesty's life."

"Or a danger to your plans for me and Yona?" Soo-won asked bitterly. At Kye-sook's silence, he repeated himself. "Where is Hak?"

"In the city, i expect," Kye-sook answered. "I haven't ordered anything done to him, so long as he doesn't attempt to enter the palace."

Soo-won took a deep breath. He could order Hak's welcome into the castle, but what good would it do? Hak's feelings about Soo-won were perfectly clear, and had been ever since that night. Yona had been civil with him when they'd spoken since then, but Hak had barely managed that. No doubt the only reason he hadn't attacked Soo-won after the battle was because he was more injured than he was willing to admit. Or he held back for Yona's sake.

He shook his head. He didn't have time to dwell on things beyond his control. There were too many things he had to deal with.

"With all respect, Your Majesty," Kye-sook said, "it's dangerous to have another possible claimant to the throne running around the kingdom without clear allegiances."

Did he think Soo-won didn't know that? "Do you think Yona is going to lead a rebellion? She cares about the people more than the crown. She wouldn't put so many people in danger for such little gain."

"It might not matter what she wills. As things stood until now, anyone dissatisfied with your rule could use her as an excuse to revolt. You could be overthrown in Princess Yona's name, while she becomes the puppet of those who want to seize power for themselves."

Soo-won took a deep breath, and shut his mouth. As much as he wanted to argue, he couldn't. Hadn't the Fire Tribe general rebelled only a few months ago? He'd claimed authority based on his own descent from King Hiryuu, but if his son Tae-jun had married Yona like he wanted, Soo-jin would have won support from the other tribes.

Soo-won's head was starting to hurt. His arm ached. He wished things could be simple. "Just don't try to do anything more with Yona or Hak. Leave them to me from now on."

Kye-sook bowed. Soo-won couldn't shake the uneasy feeling that this wasn't over.

This was just what he needed. Soo-won didn't have enough on his plate already, not at all. It wasn't as if he had to help the Fire Tribe recover from a famine. It wasn't as though the Water Tribe was full of drug addicts, and the Earth Tribe full of pirates, both in league with Kouka's neighbors. It wasn't as though he had to negotiate an alliance with their former enemy, Xing, and set up a satellite government in the recently conquered Sei. It wasn't as though he had a hostile empire that far outweighed Kouka in resources and soldiery on his northern border that had to be kept back at all costs.

_That_ was what he should be focusing on. This was the second time since Soo-won's coronation that Li Hazara invaded. Kouka had driven him back both times, but Kai's instability was proving to be a problem. Neither of its two governments could control their vassals. This time Hazara had brought an ally, one of Kai's subject nations.

In other words, the danger from the north was growing. More enemies were appearing.

Soo-won had the measure of Li Hazara by now, but he didn't know how likely Ying Kuelbo was to return. He should talk to Yona, ask her opinion after having spent time as Ying's prisoner. Oh yes, he should just walk right up to her, ignore everything he'd done or she thought he'd done because he didn't know how to talk about it, and instead welcome her back to Hiryuu Palace with a discussion of her recent imprisonment and how to deal with a foreign threat. That'd go over well.

Soo-won sighed. "Never mind about that. Instruct the generals to increase the number of troops guarding the border with Kai. We'll have to rearrange our forces."

"Understood," Kye-sook said.

"Do we have any spies in the Kai Empire?"

"In both courts," Kye-sook replied promptly.

"I want some in Sen Province," Soo-won said. "The Tully Tribe too, if you can manage it." He paused. "Actually, regarding Sen Province . . ." His eyes narrowed. "Get someone close to Li Hazara." He couldn't come out and say why; an official order would be tantamount to a declaration of war, but this was something that had to happen.

Kye-sook took his meaning. "Very good, sir."

All right then. He might not be able to face up to any of the problems in and around Hiryuu Palace, but at least he could get Li Hazara handled.

His mind was still far from easy, but at least it was one weight off his shoulders as he went to Min-Soo to have his arm checked on.

* * *

It was unsettling to have to continue on with life as usual with Yona living so close by, and still no trace of Hak. Soo-won couldn't quite bring himself to visit her, but as a decent host he figured he should at least introduce himself to her Dragons.

That was . . . an interesting experience. They'd met before, of course, brief interactions on the battlefield or in towns while everyone was undercover, but this was the first time they'd been able to truly speak. The Dragons primarily knew Soo-won by reputation, through Yona and Hak, and so he couldn't fault them for not quite trusting him.

Oh, they were polite, certainly. The Golden Dragon – Zeno – didn't seem to have a care for his title or what it meant, but he found that refreshing, and none of them were openly antagonistic, but there was an undercurrent of tension between him and them that pricked at his nerves. He wanted to know what Yona and Hak's lives were like now, whether they were happy, how they spent their time, but this probably wasn't the way to do it.

It was a shame. Soo-won thought if they'd all met under the right circumstances, they could be great friends. He still remembered when he met the Green Dragon – Jae-ha – in the Water Tribe lands and they'd had a great time checking for nadai in the liquor of an inn there.

Ah well. If it wasn't to be, then it would only make things worse if Soo-won tried to force it. He'd already drawn a line between what he wanted for himself and what he wanted for the country. He'd decided what his life would be when he drew a sword on the former king. He should stop trying to chase two rabbits, as the saying went. Soo-won was the king of Kouka now, not a lover to Yona or Hak. It would do him no good to try and become friends with their friends. He didn't want to use the power of gods or dragons to create the Kouka he dreamed of, so he should focus on what he himself could do. Kai and Sei might not be easy to deal with, but at least they were manageable. In theory.

It was Zeno who corralled him at last. The Gold Dragon had been having a great time with full run of the castle – something Soo-won was pretty sure Kye-sook hadn't authorized – and when he popped up in the king's study he nearly gave Soo-won a heart attack.

"Hey, Mister King Guy!"

"Hi," Soo-won said blankly. He still wasn't sure how to react to a greeting like that – he had a feeling it should bother him more than it did. His father certainly wouldn't have responded well. "It's Zeno, isn't it?"

"Yep!" Zeno replied cheerfully. He thumped down into a seat that didn't have _too_ many papers piled on it. Kye-sook would throw a fit, but then, he wasn't here. Soo-won decided not to worry about it. The documents weren't so important that a few wrinkles would ruin them. "Zeno's been thinking about some stuff."

"Oh?" Clearly this "stuff" involved Soo-won, or else, why would the dragon be here? "Anything you'd care to share?"

"Mmm." Zeno bounced his head and swung his legs. "About you and the miss and the mister."

Those must be his names for Yona and Hak. Perversely, Soo-won hoped someone would come in and interrupt them with official business for him that just couldn't wait. He missed Yona and Hak more than anything, he longed to be able to face them honestly for the first time in longer than he could remember, but he dreaded talking about them almost as much.

Zeno grinned as though he knew what Soo-won were thinking, and was going to force him to talk anyway. "You miss them, don't you?"

"I do," Soo-won admitted warily.

Zeno rested his chin in his hands. "But you aren't going to talk to them? The miss is right here in Hiryuu Castle, and you could find the mister easy if you tried."

"I wouldn't know what to say to them," Soo-won told him. "You must know what i did to them. It's not something that can be explained away or forgiven."

"Have you tried?" Zeno asked. At Soo-won's silence, he pushed, "The truth? You can't really know what they're thinking. Not without talking to them."

"You say that like it's so simple," Soo-won said wryly. "Like everything can be fixed if we just talk it out."

"You don't know if it can't," Zeno pointed out stubbornly.

"I killed Yona's father!" Soo-won burst out. "I don't think there's any explanation for that that she could accept."

"You don't think she should know why?"

That shut him up. Damn it all. Soo-won _knew_ Yona deserved an explanation. It may have been King Il's life he ended, but Yona's was the life he ruined. And Hak's, for that matter – Hak had given up everything to follow her into exile. Soo-won knew full well he owed them.

He slumped back in his chair with a sigh. "She should. Yes. I know that. They both should. But it's not . . . It's all too complicated to untangle now."

Zeno tipped his head the other way in his hands. "What are you afraid of?"

_That they'll kill me._ Soo-won didn't say it aloud.

What, was that meant to be some kind of revelation? He'd known from the start that if he took the throne by spilling blood, he was putting his own life on the line. He was fully aware that he could die at any time, and that he deserved to. He'd made a point of living each day as king as if he wouldn't survive it, so that the kingdom would thrive no matter what happened to him. When he expected it, there was no reason to fear it.

_That they'll hate me._ But they already did, didn't they? Knowing exactly what had happened that night, and why, couldn't make Hak or Yona think any less of him. He'd already sunk to the depths of their ill will.

Zeno had a point. He didn't really have anything to lose.

Soo-won sat up. His mind was starting to buzz. "Hak will be furious if i force him to come here after Kye-sook already barred him. He won't be willing to listen."

Go to them." Zeno suggested the obvious path, the one Soo-won was already calculating. It wasn't as if he didn't sneak out all the time anyway. If he could convince Yona, and he thought he might be able to, with a promise of the truth and seeing Hak, he could smuggle her out as well. He didn't know where Hak was, but he had his own spy network all over the city – and the country – different from the one Kye-sook managed. "I'll have to find him. And hope he's willing to talk."

Zeno stood with a grin on his face. "Leave that to Zeno."

Soo-won had no reason not to trust him. He should do it himself, while he still had the nerve, but if Zeno interceded for him, that might make the conversation go more smoothly. "I'll trust you, then."

* * *

His resolve faltered, of course. Soo-won could handle matters of state with no trouble, but matters of the heart were beyond his skill set. He had no idea what he was doing, but now he'd committed himself to this plan with Zeno. He was going to talk to Yona and Hak, and let the consequences fall where they may. He only wished he weren't so afraid.

He wondered what Lili would tell him in this situation. Her friendship had become a lifeline to him, and it was possible she understood Yona's feelings better than he ever could. At the very least, he could count on her to give an honest opinion, honest to the point of rudeness. Soo-won appreciated that about her.

Perhaps he should learn from her example.

But Lili wasn't here now; she was away in her father's lands to the south. Soo-won had no one to rely on but the generosity of Yona's group.

It was only a couple of days until Zeno returned; he may have hoped to get the group together sooner, but Soo-won had his royal duties to attend to as well, and preparations to make in case he didn't come back after meeting Hak. But Zeno did come for him once an opening presented itself, and brought him to meet Yona and another Dragon. Jae-ha.

Yona gasped when she saw him. Soo-won stopped short, anticipating what must surely be running through her head. Jae-ha raised his eyebrows. "What's this, what's this?"

"Everybody's avoiding everybody," Zeno said. "And so it's all just going to keep festering. So it has to come out into the open."

"You said–" Yona swallowed. "You said we were going to go see Hak and Yoon."

"Mm!" Zeno nodded brightly and turned to Jae-ha. "Green Dragon knows where Mister and the lad are, right?"

"Well, yeah . . ." Jae-ha admitted.

"So, Green Dragon takes the miss and Mister King Guy to them. And they all talk to each other." Zeno nodded firmly.

Ooh, no. Soo-won could see how this ended, and it ended in disaster. It couldn't go well, not if this was all there was to Zeno's plan. "Just us? What about the other two?" It didn't feel right, being alone with Yona and only one or two of her Dragons, and he was sure she would prefer to have more of a buffer separating him from her as well.

"They . . ." Jae-ha stared, and trailed off.

"They're going to make a distraction. In case we need one," Yona replied. Her voice was subdued. She didn't meet Soo-won's eyes, but her words were clear. She'd become strong since he knew her.

"I see." As if on cue, Soo-won heard shouting from the eastern wall, on the other side of the castle. "That must be them now."

"Zeno will go see!" the Golden Dragon waved, as if he weren't cutting Soo-won's lifelines one by one. "Come back soon! See you later!"

Jae-ha gave a weary grin. "Guess that's our cue. Shall we go, then?"

"I suppose we'd better." If Soo-won had been on uncertain ground before, he was sinking fast now.

"Yes." Yona's voice was determined, and she had that glint in her eye he'd seen from time to time, out in the thick of things. "I want to see Hak and Yoon. And Zeno's right. We should talk. About everything." She did look at Soo-won then, if only for a moment.

And he followed her, as Jae-ha led them out into the city.

* * *

Hak and the other one, Yoon, were staying far enough from the castle that they wouldn't raise any suspicions, but quite a bit closer than Soo-won might have anticipated. Jae-ha took Soo-won and Yona to one of the city's minor squares, where Yoon had laid out what appeared to be an apothecary's entire stock of herbs on a blanket. He was doing a healthy business selling them and giving medical advice while Hak brought in customers and did a little heavy lifting for their neighbors. Soo-won was almost certain they hadn't applied for a business permit.

Yona ran across the square to her friends without hesitation. Jae-ha followed after her, and Soo-won hung back. Yona clasped the boy Yoon's hands tightly in hers, as Hak ruffled her hair. Jae-ha made some comment, and then it seemed everyone was talking excitedly.

Soo-won let them. They shouldn't have been separated, and they surely had a lot to catch up on. He was being polite, he told himself. That was why he was taking his time to approach.

Whether he was being respectful or stalling, Yona didn't let him do it for long. She seized his good arm and pulled him into the press. "Come on, what are you doing?"

Soo-won watched Hak's eyes grow grim as his laugh died. "What's he doing here?"

"Zeno sent him," Yona said. "He said . . ." She trailed off, looking to Soo-won. The expression in her eyes made his heart ache. He should have talked to them both a long time ago.

"I came to tell you the truth," he replied to Hak. "Both of you. After that . . . You can do what you want."

He'd made his arrangements. If they killed him for what he'd done, then so be it. Kye-sook knew where to find his will if he never came back. Yona would be queen. No one would question it – she was, after all, assumed to be his fiancée, as well as the only child of Soo-won's predecessor. She'd do what was right for the country.

Hak was silent. Soo-won had always found him hard to read, but never more so than now. "Yeah," he said. "Fine." He jerked his head.

"We've been renting a shed," Yoon explained. Hak was already striding to the edge of the square, and the boy had to trot to keep up. Soo-won, Yona, and Jae-ha followed after them. "It's small, but it's clean, and we've stayed in worse."

A shed? Hak? Worse? Yona too? Soo-won's mind buzzed with implications.

The shed was dark, after the sunny square outside. There was one window for light, up near the roof, and a few gaps in the walls. It wouldn't do for the winter, but Soo-won supposed it was alright to stay in while the weather was warm and dry.

Hak spun around and leaned against the far wall, his eyes boring into Soo-won. "So talk," he said.

Yona gave him a quelling look, and went to sit down beside him on the floor. Hak slid down the wall to rest next to her. Yoon settled to the side. Soo-won heard the creak of wood, and looked over his shoulder to see Jae-ha leaning against the doorway just outside. He was very carefully not looking in at them.

"Soo-won?" Yona prompted, and he lowered himself to the ground facing the two of them.

How could he start? He'd been stuck on that for such a long time.

He heard Zeno's voice saying, _Just tell them._ Zeno hadn't even said those words.

Soo-won bit the insides of his lips. "I've thought for a long time about how i would face the two of you after . . . after," he began. "Since even before i . . . i killed King Il." He watched as Yona's face set and Hak's muscles tensed. "But no matter how much i thought about it, i could never figure out what to say to you."

"I wonder why," Hak said dryly.

Soo-won deserved that. He forced himself to ignore the way Hak's words made the back of his throat hurt. He owed both of them the truth.

His eyes rested on Hak's tight jaw, Yona's furrowed eyebrows. It was time. There would be no more running away.

He took a deep breath.

"That night – your birthday – when i went to see King Il–" Soo-won interrupted himself. "No, that's wrong. It all started a long time before that." He paused, considering that other night, so many years ago, when everything had changed for the first time.

"When did it start?" Yona asked gently. Soo-won realized with a start that he'd sunken too deep into the memory, and forgotten he was talking to Yona and Hak. He didn't dare wonder what kind of expression he'd been making.

"It was ten years ago," he began. "When we were at war with Xing the last time. My father had come back to Hiryuu Castle between campaigns. I was so happy to see him again." He stopped for a moment, remembering the way it had felt to have his father back after he'd been gone a long time. "Then there was one night when i couldn't sleep. I got up to see if i could find him, and i heard arguing . . ."

* * *

The table was inlaid with a map of Kouka and the surrounding regions. It showed the entire peninsula, Xing and Sei as well as Kouka, and parts of Kai. Not the full empire, but it held the border regions and the interior as far as the capital. The boundaries between countries were marked out by lines of gold. It wasn't merely a political map; the geography was represented as well. The ocean, rivers, and lakes were made of smooth lapis. Mountains were polished granite. Fields were white jade, while forests were a darker green. Tiny, finely carved cedar figures rested on top, showing the number and locations of the different nations' forces. It was a magnificent work of art.

It would have to be redone.

Two men leaned over the map. "If we launch a joint offensive with the Fire Tribe army, _here_, we can drive back Xing thirty _li_ and take the entire valley," said General Yu-hon of the Sky Tribe.

King Il shook his head. "I've decided to cede the region. We don't need it. There's nothing there that's worth so many of Kouka's people dying for it."

It was an argument they'd had before, one that always ended with the two brothers slinking off to nurse their frustrations separately. It was never resolved.

They'd already dismissed their attendants and advisors for the night. The fewer people who witnessed the rift in the royal family, the better. They both still believed that it could be fixed.

"You can't be serious," Yu-hon replied. "That valley will give Xing a direct line into Wind Tribe lands. If we can't have the valley, we at least need the cliffs! Otherwise it'll be indefensible! You'll be asking them to invade!"

King Il let out a short breath. He didn't like having the same argument over again, either. "There won't be a need for them to invade. This land is what we're feuding with Xing over. If we give up our claim to the valley, they'll be satisfied. There will be peace."

Yu-hon slammed his fist into the table. Army pieces jumped. "You can't _appease_ them, Il! The more you give them, the more they'll take! That's how war works!"

King Il clenched his fists. The tension in his fingers kept the rest of him calm. "That's why i have to end the war. No one else has to die for this."

"For what, their homes?" Yu-hon sneered. "You're not protecting your citizens by giving them up to the enemy."

"They don't have to be our enemies!" Il exclaimed. "They shouldn't have to be our enemies. We can negotiate a peace that will make everyone happy."

"And you think you can do that by giving our neighbors whatever they want, while Kouka suffers for it?" Yu-hon demanded. "What if Kai asks for your daughter for the emperor's harem? Would you sell her for your 'grand peace'?" At Il's stutter, he pushed on. "You would. You'd try to use a marriage to cement a treaty, even if it meant using Yona as a bartering chip."

"You leave Yona out of this." King Il's voice trembled. His entire body strained with the effort of standing still. "That's exactly what you want, isn't it, Yona married off to a foreign ruler, because that'd clear the way for _your_ son. Whoever she marries will be the next in line to rule, and you can't stand the fact that she's my heir instead of Soo-won–"

"That's irrelevant," Yu-hon interrupted him. "Your daughter, my son, whichever one should rule in the future depends on how we raise them. It's _in the future_. Right now, _you're_ the problem." He planted his hand firmly on King Il's chest and shoved his brother back. King Il stumbled, and caught himself against the map table.

Yu-hon was one of very few people allowed to carry a weapon in the king's presence, as a member of the royal family himself. He was rarely seen without his jian; since he didn't need it for this meeting, he'd set the sword down. It leaned against the table, and King Il had almost knocked it over. He caught hold of it before it fell, and stopped.

His hands were on the hilt. He had been trained to use a sword as a prince, but he hadn't stayed in practice the way Yu-hon had. He'd never liked it, and he wasn't any good at it anyway.

This was what Yu-hon wanted. This was the sword Yu-hon fought with, the one he was going to use to conquer that stupid valley. It was all that _really_ mattered to him, wasn't it?

Il picked up the sword. It was heavier than anything he was used to holding as he drew it from its sheath. Maybe Yu-hon would take him seriously for once if he had a sword in his hand.

Yu-hon didn't see. He leaned over the map, jabbing at the valley. "Look," he said. "Right here, on this side of the border. You see this village?" When Il didn't respond, Yu-hon looked over his shoulder and saw him. He laughed. "Put it down, little brother."

"I'll put it down," Il said. "I'll smelt it down and, and make a shovel out of it, or . . ."

"You don't even know what the tools of peace are." Yu-hon pushed the blade aside with the back of his arm, stepping closer to his brother. "What're you going to do?"

Il backed up, bringing the sword back between them. "I'll end this. I don't care how. I don't want to fight anymore."

Yu-hon grabbed the blade with his bare hand, pushing it towards Il's face so his brother couldn't avoid looking at the blood running down the weapon in his grip. "Do you even hear yourself? _Life_ is fighting. You can't _end_ it. Stop playing around and act like a king!"

Il wrenched the sword back. Yu-hon swore as it sliced deeper into his palm. "I am!" Il snarled. "I'm thinking of what's best for Kouka! You're the one letting your bloodlust get the better of you!"

With his free hand, Yu-hon punched him. Il staggered back, but he didn't fall, and he didn't let go of the sword. Yu-hon was forced to release it before it did irreparable damage to his hand. "My _bloodlust?_ Is that what you think, Il? You're hopeless."

"I'm not hopeless!" Il lunged forward, coming back to within a breath of his brother's face. "All you care about is fighting! If you had your way, we'd be at war forever!"

Yu-hon gasped. The blood drained from his face. King Il froze, his eyes wide. That wasn't how his brother responded. To anything.

Together, they looked down. King Il still clutched the sword in his hands. Yu-hon's sword. The sword that couldn't fit between them without piercing through Yu-hon's chest.

His blood was so red. Deep, dark red that spread out into his robe like a flower blooming and ran in rivulets down the blade to King Il's hands.

His lifeblood.

Yu-hon choked and sagged. King Il shrieked as he released the hilt, an impulse, as if there were time to _not _run him through. No, no.

Yu-hon hit the floor a moment later. King Il was on his knees beside him. He had to get the sword out. Maybe this could still be treated.

Yu-hon caught hold of the blade again, before King Il could pull more than a _sun_ or so out of his body. "It's too late," he rasped. "Il . . ."

His grip on the sword loosened, and his head dropped. King Il had the sword free of his body, tossed it somewhere behind him, before he realized his brother was no longer breathing.

Someone was screaming. It was Il. No, it wasn't. Was it? He didn't know.

Someone burst in, and he flinched away from the doorway. It was one of Yu-hon's subordinates in the Sky Tribe army. Joo-doh.

He took in the room at a glance, and swore. "Your Majesty?" He focused on the king, who held up his hands as if to keep the blood on them away from his body. "Your Majesty! What happened here?"

"I – I –" Il backed away. He couldn't. He couldn't.

Joo-doh swore again. More people were here, guards and servants and maybe everybody else. Joo-doh turned away from him, shouting orders and ushering away the small child who'd wanted to know what all the shouting was about.

* * *

"I only came in at the end," Soo-won admitted. "I don't know how the fight started or how it got so bad. But King Il never treated me the same way after that night, and i could never forget it. I . . ." He risked glancing up, ready to meet Yona's and Hak's eyes honestly for the first time in such a long time. Or maybe _ready_ was still too strong a word, but it didn't matter so much anymore.

Yona had one hand covering her mouth; her gaze was downcast and flickering as though she were trying to reconcile everything Soo-won had just related with her own memories of her father. Tears shone at the corners of her eyes. Not for the first time, Soo-won wished everything could have been different. Even though it was an inevitable result of his actions, he'd never wanted to make her cry.

Hak still glowered at Soo-won, but there was a different element to his glare now, something Soo-won couldn't quite place. He reached out, and Soo-won flinched back on reflex, but Hak merely brushed his fingertips against Soo-won's cheek and caught a tear.

Soo-won had been crying too. He hadn't realized.

He turned swiftly away to shield himself as he scrubbed at his face with a sleeve. He couldn't do this now, couldn't break down, that would be manipulating them, he'd just wanted to _explain_ . . .

All he really needed was a minute to get himself under control. He could do this. It was a disaster, but it was one he had made himself, so he owed it to them to finish this.

Soo-won took a deep breath and turned back to Yona and Hak. "I couldn't forget what i saw, and i know that colored how i thought of King Il from then on too. I didn't mean for it to get so . . ." He stopped, composed himself again. "I watched. There wasn't really anything else i could do. I watched the way he ruled, and i watched the way the people lived. I guess i was running away at first, when i went into the city. I was nobody there, so anything could happen. But that's not the point. I . . . I started to realize that the king wasn't protecting the people. They were hungry, there were thieves and murderers. The further i looked from the capital, the worse the problems became." He sighed. "You've seen them. Famine in the Fire Tribe territories, pirates and human traffickers in the Earth Tribe, drug dealers in the Water Tribe. And it was like King Il didn't even notice. Nothing really reached us in Kuuto, so it wasn't happening."

Yoon snorted. Soo-won had nearly forgotten the three of them weren't alone together. His skin suddenly ached with the knowledge of others' presence. His ears were hot. Yoon had been listening attentively, and his expression said a thing or two about King Il not taking notice of the lower classes. Jae-ha was still leaning against the doorway, but Soo-won could see his arm and knew he could hear everything they said.

Yona nodded slowly. She still wasn't looking at Soo-won. "I've seen what's happening in the country," she said. "It started a long time before my father died."

"Yes." Soo-won's voice was soft; he barely heard himself speak. "His policies weren't helping the way they should. Life stayed the same for us, and everyone else was ignored. I tried talking to him, a few times, but nothing changed. He was trying to avoid conflict, but it led him to avoid reality." He swallowed. This was the hardest part of all.

"I wish i could say it was a crime of passion," he said slowly. "I wish i could say that it just got to be too much and i lost control of myself. But i didn't. I kept thinking about my father, and the country, and what could be done. The only way out i could see . . . was if King Il were no longer the king. He would never abdicate for me, and he wanted to keep you sheltered from all the sorrows of the world, so . . ." He sighed. "I thought i had to kill him. I still don't know if there was something else i could have done, and i know i wasn't using my best judgment, but it's what happened, and i've been trying my best to live with it."

Yona snuffled through her nose. Her face was still turned down, moreso than it had been, and Soo-won's heart ached.

Hak hadn't said a word throughout Soo-won's story. He didn't speak now, either, but he did make eye contact with Soo-won for a moment. What Soo-won saw in his gaze almost made him hope, until he heard the flat tone of Hak's voice. "Why didn't you say anything?"

Soo-won gestured helplessly. "How could i?"

Yona looked up then. Her eyes and nose were red and running. "You should have said something. Before. We could have figured something out."

Soo-won let his head drop. "You're probably right," he said. "No, you are. But it's too late now. I can't exactly go back and change things."

Somehow he could _hear_ Hak rolling his eyes. "So what are you planning? It's not like you can get off scot-free for it."

Soo-won shook his head. "No, i know that. I'm ready – I told you that you could do what you want when i was done. I've always known what the consequences of my actions would be."

"Soo-won," Yona said. She was still crying, and her voice wobbled with it.

Hak lunged forward, seizing Soo-won by the front of his robe and pulling him forward until their faces were only a breath apart.

Soo-won didn't fight him or look away. This was what he deserved. It was . . . fitting that Hak should be the one to kill him.

"You think i'll be satisfied with that?" Hak demanded, his voice a low growl. "If you just die here? You think the princess will be satisfied with that? You're just running away! You think that will make up for killing the king?"

Soo-won snorted, out of shock rather than derision. "Nothing i can do will make up for that! I know that! So if the only thing i can do is offer up my life, then–"

"Yeah, offer your life," Hak interrupted him. "Nothing you can do now will make up for it, so you have to spend the rest of your life trying. You owe us too much to ever rest in peace."

Yona threw her arms around Soo-won's neck. "We're never letting you off the hook," she sobbed.

Soo-won was too stunned to consciously react. His left arm, nearly healed, went around Yona's waist, and his right hand came up to Hak's shoulder. "I thought . . . Don't you want me dead?"

"Don't get it wrong," Hak snapped. "I still haven't forgiven you."

"You have to work really hard," Yona murmured into his shoulder. Her tears were starting to soak through the cloth. "You'll have to live until you're at least a hundred."

_That _startled a laugh out of him. "How am i going to live that long?"

"Figure it out," Hak told him flatly. He let out an angry sigh, and let his head drop against Soo-won's. "You bastard." Somehow, he almost made it sound like an endearment.

"Right, right," Jae-ha said. Soo-won startled – he'd forgotten the man was there. "I think that's enough for now. You're embarrassing your big brother over here."

"Really." Yoon rubbed at his face. "Do you have to do that kind of thing in front of people?"

Yona's face went a horrified red, and in the space of a breath she was well back from both Soo-won and Hak, clutching the fabric over her legs as if she were trying to hold herself back. Hak released Soo-won as well, but was much less dramatic about it.

Soo-won rubbed over his face with his sleeve, and again, as if he could wipe away the embarrassment along with the streaks of tears on his skin. "Thank you. For listening." And for not killing me for it, he didn't say.

Hak cuffed him on the side of the head. He didn't mean it seriously, so it only knocked Soo-won slightly sideways. Yona rubbed her sleeve over her face again. "I guess we should go back." She didn't sound like she meant that. Hak made an indeterminate grumbling sound deep in his throat.

"I'm not leaving you behind!" Yona hastened to clarify. "Or Yoon," she added. "I just . . . i need to think some things over. And i want to talk to the others." Hak sighed and cuffed her head too, slightly more gently than he'd done Soo-won. "Guess so."

Yona went over to the boy, Yoon, and took his hands to exchange some quiet words. Hak slapped Jae-ha's shoulder, much harder than he'd done with Yona or Soo-won, and said, "Later, Droopy Eyes." With an exaggerated wince, Jae-ha replied, "See you." Soo-won was reminded again of how much of an outsider he'd become in their lives. He felt increasingly awkward standing here, now that it was clear Hak and Yona didn't want to kill him after all.

Yona approached him and attempted a smile. "Shall we?" Soo-won glanced past her to Hak, and didn't know what to say. He settled for a nod and a tight smile. "I don't see why not," he said to Yona.

But still he hesitated. "You're welcome to come with us," he told Hak. "I've talked to Kye-sook."

Hak only stared at him, and this time there was a note of real anger in his voice when he spoke. "You've got to be kidding."

Well. He had tried. If Hak didn't want to come back to Hiryuu Castle, Soo-won couldn't force him. "Then – i'll see you. Sometime. Some place."

"Yeah," Hak agreed. He had his arms crossed now, and it looked like he, like Yona, was ready to do some serious thinking.

Soo-won couldn't shake the feeling that he'd end up deciding he never wanted to see Soo-won again. Soo-won could spend the rest of his life working for Kouka, trying to be worthy of Yona and Hak, like they'd told him, but at the end of the day, he was still the man who killed her father, the previous king.

Right now, all he could do was turn his back and return to the castle with Yona and Jae-ha.

* * *

Soo-won lay awake long into the night. People always said that once you confessed to the terrible things you'd done, got it all out in the open, it was like a weight lifted off your shoulders. You'd think that with the relief of finally talking to Yona and Hak about why he'd killed her father, he'd be exhausted and fall into a deep slumber. They'd even – well, not _forgiven_ him, but they hadn't taken revenge on him.

Soo-won was exhausted, but he couldn't sleep. He was too busy picking over the afternoon, everything the two people he loved most had said and hadn't said, everything _he'd_ said and hadn't said, what did Yona mean by that, what was Hak thinking, what it all meant for him. His mind would never allow him to sleep.

Eventually, the Moon set, although the stars were still bright in the sky. Soo-won heard a soft tapping sound, and then a rattle as his door slid open. Soo-won sat up to watch Yona slip into the room. She was dressed more simply than she had been since returning to Hiryuu Castle.

"You're leaving," Soo-won guessed, and stood.

"How did you know?" Yona's voice could almost be termed a wail, if she weren't trying so hard to be quiet.

"You're not happy here," Soo-won admitted. "You haven't been, without Hak, or with me, or–"

"It's not you!" Yona said fiercely, crossing the floor to him. She reached out, as if she were about to take his hands, but she stopped herself. "Maybe it is, a little," she admitted. "I sill don't really know what to do, or even how i feel, really." Soo-won bowed his head. He'd expected as much, but it was hard to hear from Yona herself.

"It's hard to think my father could have done something like that. I trust you, but i can't imagine that happening the way you saw. I just . . . i need time to think. And space. Hak – Hak probably needs to think things over too." She reached out again, and this time she took his face in her hands, drawing him up to meet her eyes. "We will meet again," she whispered. "I don't know what will happen, but i can promise you that much."

Soo-won lifted one of his hands, pressing it to Yona's on his cheek. "Thank you," he said. "For – for trying."

Yona smiled at him, but it was a pale imitation of her usual. "So – i'll see you."

"See you," Soo-won whispered, letting go of her hand. Yona took a step back, and opened her mouth as if she were about to say something, but no words came out. She lowered her head and turned away. Soo-won watched her go.

_No._ The thought hit him full force. No, he couldn't just let things stand like this for however long it would be until he saw Yona again. Maybe forever. "I'm sorry!" The words burst out of him. Yona stopped and looked back at him. Her eyes shone in the darkness.

"I'm sorry for everything i did. For the way it all turned out. If i could do it again . . ." he trailed off. He wanted to believe that he'd handle things differently, if he had another chance, but could he really be sure of that?

Yona stared at him for just a moment. He heard her draw a breath, and then she was there with him again, her arms flung around his shoulders. "It wasn't all bad," she whispered. "I still miss my father, every day, but i've been able to do so much too. I've learned so much, and helped so many people. Even Shin-ah, if he were–" She cut herself off, and Soo-won felt her chest hitch.

"Even so," he murmured. "I'm sorry. Tell Hak, too."

Yona nodded and pushed back from him. "I will. And – i don't – i've missed you. Hak has, too." She took a deep breath, while Soo-won staggered with the revelation. "I'm really going now."

"Go on," Soo-won replied. He had breath enough for that. "I won't stop you."

Yona huffed out what could have been a laugh, and slipped out. Soo-won knew he'd never be able to get to sleep now, and so he went to the window, looking down at the courtyard. It wasn't long before he saw Yona and her group below him, passing through with exaggerated stealth.

There was a lot he had to do, if he was going to be ready for Yona and Hak when they came back.

* * *

**A/N:** And so, the story i thought was a one-shot when i started it has revealed itself to be a trilogy. To those of you who have been waiting, thank you for your patience. Hopefully the final chapter won't take so long. (I mean that sincerely. I've been fighting with this chapter for nearly a year, and words cannot express how much i have come to despise it.)

I was stuck for a while trying to figure out how to show the readers that Yu-hon's death was unintentional without letting Soo-won know that (no closure, only communication. Catharsis writing 2k20), and this flashback was what i settled on.


	3. As Long As There's Fire

And so Yona kept working, and kept fighting, right alongside Hak and the others, the same way she was sure Soo-won was working and fighting for Kouka. She kept busy, and that was fine. They all had so much to do.

But at night, Yona had nothing to keep her mind from wandering back to Hiryuu Castle. To the awkward and uncomfortable few weeks she'd spent there at Kye-sook's invitation. To Soo-won's explanation and apology, out in the city. To her time with her father. She regretted that she hadn't cared at all about politics when he was alive. If she'd paid attention, she might have noticed _something_. Maybe she'd have a better idea of what King Il and Yu-hon's relationship really was. At the very least, she'd have known something about the war they'd fought over.

But she'd never know now.

And she couldn't sleep. Some nights were better than others, but she spent too much of the quiet hours keeping herself up wondering about the past.

Like tonight, for instance. Yoon had fallen asleep quickly, but Yona couldn't get comfortable. If she lay on her left side, a tree root dug into her ribs. If she lay on her right, rocks seemed to be everywhere. And what if her father had stabbed Uncle Yu-hon on purpose? She just couldn't seem to get comfortable.

What if it had been an accident?

Yona sat up. Should she move her blankets again? But no stretch of ground inside the tent seemed welcoming to sleep. Except for where Yoon was. She suspected it was her own mind keeping her up, and not the ground at all.

She wanted to talk to Hak.

Should she, though? Things had been so weird lately, with Soo-won, and without Soo-won now that they knew, and they hadn't really had a chance to figure out where they stood with each other. Too much had happened all at once. It was just so _awkward_, because they couldn't go back to the way it had been before she told Hak she loved him, but she couldn't tell how much had changed or how.

No, she'd better talk to him. It would be bad if this turned into Soo-won all over again.

Yona made up her mind, and crawled out of the tent to go see if Hak was awake.

Outside, all was peaceful. She smiled to see the Dragons sleeping around the remains of the campfire – Zeno next to Shin-ah, Jae-ha in his hammock strung up between two trees, Kija with his bedroll carefully laid out a safe distance from anything in the hopes that bugs wouldn't creep in. Hak, leaning against a tree on the far side of the campsite.

He was supposed to be keeping watch, probably, but Yona couldn't tell if he was asleep or not.

Maybe she shouldn't bother him.

Or maybe she could sneak up on him.

One of those options sounded a great deal more appealing than the other, so Yona stepped carefully across the campsite. She kept a close eye on the ground for dry twigs that might break and give her away, but she found herself constantly glancing up and over at Hak, to make sure he wasn't stirring.

He wasn't, so Yona kept picking her way closer. At one point it looked like his head moved, so she spent an agonizing several minutes precariously on one foot while she waited for it to be safe to move again.

She was almost beside him when he spoke. "Nice try, Princess."

Yona lost her balance. "Hak!" she hissed indignantly as she caught herself. "You were awake?"

"Yeah."

"Why didn't you say anything?"

He snickered, and Yona felt her face heat up horribly. Stupid Hak. "It was fun watching you try so hard to be stealthy," he told her.

She smacked him, and he only laughed more. He probably barely even felt it. Stupid Hak.

She dropped down next to him. Hak shifted, just slightly, in the other direction, but Yona couldn't quite get herself to look at him. Instead she stared at the dying embers of their campfire.

It had taken Yona such a long time to tell Hak how she felt after she figured it out. It had taken Soo-won even longer to tell the two of them about what had happened to his father, and why he had killed hers.

It was hard, talking about feelings. The good ones and the bad ones.

But they had to do it, didn't they? She'd had no idea what Soo-won had been thinking, all on his own – she still couldn't quite square his sight of her father stabbing Yu-hon through the chest during a bad argument with her own memories of her kind father.

It was like she had never known either of them at all. Once upon a time they'd been the closest people in the world to her, but the whole time they might as well have been strangers.

She stole a glance at Hak. He wasn't looking at her. The coals' dull red glow was reflected in his eyes. Yona wondered what he was thinking.

Stupid Hak had no problem sitting in silence, did he? It didn't make him squirm the way it did her.

He was always so calm and cool._ He_ never had an internal panic attack about how to behave. "Sooooo . . ." Yona said, and then realized she had no idea how to continue.

Hak glanced up at her, and Yona froze. What did she do, what should she say, why was her heart pounding so loud Hak wouldn't be able to hear her even if she was able to say something? "What do we do?" she managed in a whisper.

Hak raised an eyebrow. "About?"

"About . . . us. And Soo-won."

He let his head thunk back against the tree behind him. "Hell if i know."

Yona drew her knees to her chest and wrapped her arms around them. "I don't want Soo-won to die. I'm glad you thought of another way for him to make up for killing Father."

Hak grunted. "I still can't forgive that. But he can't do anything about it if he's dead."

"Yeah." Yona hesitated. "I wish he'd said something. Before."

Hak snorted. It spoke volumes more than he could ever have expressed with words.

"I don't want anything like that to happen again. We have to be able to talk to each other, even if we don't know what to say."

"So what are you going to say?" Hak asked, and Yona shoved him. "I don't know!"

"So, what? You want to go back to the castle?"

"No!" Yona exclaimed. "Maybe? I don't know." She squeezed her legs tighter. "I just know that it's like Zeno said. Things got this bad because none of us talked to each other and just let it fester. I don't want anything else terrible to happen because of that."

Hak reached over and scruffed his hand through her hair. When she looked up at him, his gaze was far away. "I do want to be with him," she said carefully. "And you too. But i don't know how that's possible right now."

"So figure it out," Hak said. "Whatever you decide, i'll follow your lead."

Yona leaned into his hand. "Thank you." His hand twitched, and he pushed her head away. Yona had to throw out an arm to catch herself. "Hak!"

"So what do _we_ do?" he asked. Yona, flustered, had to take a moment to find his train of thought. When she caught on, she flushed even darker than she had been already. It had taken everything she had to build up the nerve just to confess her feelings to Hak. Actually acting on them was too much for her to think about. And her mind kept returning to Soo-won.

"I don't know," she admitted, and it was terrifying that she had to keep saying that, almost as terrifying as it was that Hak seemed to expect her to have all the answers. "I – i love you. And i love Soo-won, even though i don't . . ." She groaned at her own fumbling of words. Right now, she was just trying to sort out her thoughts out loud. "It's the same for you, right?"

Hak gave a slow nod of assent.

"So . . . i think – maybe–" So much for her idea of talking things out. "I mean – we could–" Hak raised an eyebrow at her, and it made Yona completely lose thread of that she was trying to say. "Hak!"

"What?" he said, although his grin made it clear he knew exactly what.

"Let me think!" Yona demanded. Hak snickered at her, but he didn't push it.

"The three of us always used to be together," Yona said slowly, as she gathered her thoughts. "I miss that. But i don't want things to go back to the way we were, because we've all changed since then." She tipped her head back and looked at the stars in the sky. "I think . . . we should talk to Soo-won when we see him. About – whatever. Try to figure out where we all stand now. We always seem to keep running into him, you know?"

Hak nodded.

"I guess . . . we could try. Um. Being together. Until then. And when we know what to do about Soo-won, there should be a place for him as well. Does that make sense?"

"Yeah," Hak said. He reached out again and ruffled his fingers through her hair. Yona shivered at the sensation. "I'll follow your lead, Princess," he said again.

Of course it was. Yona just wished she had more of a solid idea what to do.

Then another possible meaning to Hak's words occurred to her, and, hardly daring to believe herself, Yona took the lead.

* * *

Time passed. Yona had a great deal to do out in the country, working among the ordinary people for the same goals Soo-won was striving after at the head of the nation.

She kept busy. She talked to people, she fought, she fixed what she could. Sometimes she and the Happy Hungry Bunch ran into Soo-won.

It was easier to talk to him, sometimes. At least they weren't trying to be enemies anymore, even though Yona still hadn't figured out how she should be around him, and he killed her father. Yes, they had talked, he had explained what he based his decisions on, and Yona thought she understood why he'd made the choices he had.

She thought.

She wasn't sure.

It was easier to see him now, in some ways, but it was also so much harder, because Soo-won had come clean, and told her and Hak and Yoon and Jae-ha everything, and now she was supposed to have an answer.

She didn't.

She wanted to believe that Soo-won wasn't a bad person, and that he could be forgiven. But . . . he'd killed her _father._ Yona's father wasn't the best king Kouka could have had – she was realizing that more and more and more – but he was the best father she could ever have hoped for. Yona loved him, and she still missed him every day. He was so kind, so gentle. Even now, Yona couldn't even imagine him hurting anyone, let alone running Yu-hon through with a sword like Soo-won told her.

Maybe it was a mistake. Maybe Soo-won had had a bad dream, or maybe Yu-hon had been planning to do something terrible. Maybe it hadn't happened. Maybe it was justified.

Those were all just excuses, weren't they? Soo-won had seen Il kill Yu-hon. And Yona had seen Soo-won kill Il. If she _were_ going to kill Soo-won, that would simply continue the same pattern.

If she wanted things to change, she'd have to . . . well, she'd have to change things. She had no way of knowing the circumstances regarding Yu-hon's death – even Soo-won had missed most of the fight – so she couldn't know what the right thing to have done back then was, either.

"That's right, isn't it?" she asked Hak anxiously one night. "We can't judge someone's past actions without knowing what actually happened?"

Hak gave it due consideration. " . . . Maybe," he said, leaning back and staring up at the sky. "You can't tell whether something was justified without knowing what led up to it, but . . . usually, when you're in command, you have to act based on what you know. Even if you don't have all the facts. That's a luxury you don't get on the battlefield."

"But this isn't a battlefield," Yona said quietly. "Maybe that's the problem."

Hak shrugged, but there was a distant look in his eyes. Yona was pretty sure she was right. She couldn't judge Soo-won's actions without knowing the full story, and she would never know any more of the story than what Soo-won had told her. So instead of dwelling on the past, she should think of the future.

The problem was, she didn't know what to do about that, either. She couldn't just go back to Hiryuu Castle as if nothing had ever happened. She'd tried that, and look how it turned out. Yona liked the way she had been living, traveling around with the Happy Hungry Bunch and helping people at the ground level. She had to figure out what she was actually going to _do_.

Plus, if they did go back to Soo-won, what would that mean for her and Hak and Soo-won, all together? He was the king now. If Yona married him, like she'd always used to want, she would become the queen, but where would that leave Hak? She'd heard of kings in the past having more than one wife – it was possible it still happened in the Kai Empire – but never a queen with more than one husband. And when kings had male lovers, it was all kept very quiet, and only referred to obliquely. Yona didn't want to keep Hak like a secret. And if she married Hak, that would lead to the same problem, only in reverse. She didn't want to put one of her men over the other, even if it was just in how their relationship looked from the outside.

So she would have to come up with something completely new, wouldn't she? Hak had already said he'd go with whatever she decided, and Soo-won had convinced himself he didn't deserve either of them, so it was all up to Yona.

Yona thought about it, and talked to Hak and Yoon and the Dragons, and to Lili when they saw each other. Lili kept Yona updated on how Soo-won was doing, and although Yona got the feeling Lili was baffled by what Yona was trying to do, she was as supportive a friend Yona could ever hope for. "You know, i'm not sure that guy even feels romantic attraction," Lili pointed out one time.

Yona grimaced "Yeah, Hak's said the same thing before." But he hadn't since the big battle, she realized.

That was something else they'd have to figure out when they saw Soo-won again, too, wasn't it?

Finally Yona thought she had it. "I'd like to go back to Hiryuu Castle," she announced one night while they were all eating around the campfire.

Hak's response was a slow blink.

"You want to talk to Soo-won again?" Yoon asked.

"Yes," Yona replied. "I think i have an idea for where to go from here. But Hak and i need to talk to him first."

"Wouldn't mind," Hak muttered.

"Are you sure you're okay, Princess?" Kija asked solicitously. "After . . . I mean . . ."

"Yes," Yona said. "I have to be able to face him. I can't hide what i feel." After all, she'd seen the results of that. She didn't want to see anyone else hurt by keeping their feelings to themself.

* * *

They didn't go straight to Hiryuu Castle. Jae-ha suggested it might be best to meet on neutral ground, so Yona and Hak contacted Ogi first, and had him act as a go-between for the three of them. He arranged for them to meet up in a teahouse he knew, where the king could drink with old friends without being recognized. Yona and her friends took rooms in a nearby inn. They could afford it; Yoon and the Dragons would be selling medicines again during Yona and Hak's meeting.

On the day they'd arranged, the two of them arrived at the teahouse first, and took a table in the corner. Yona found herself mildly panicking as she and Hak waited for Soo-won to arrive. She found herself fiddling with her hair for the first time in ages, twisting strands between her fingers or trying to pat it flat over her head.

Hak rolled his eyes at her.

"Shut up!" she hissed. Then, hesitantly, "How do i look?"

Hak reached out and tousled her hair, undoing everything she'd done in the past few minutes. "You look beautiful, Princess."

Great, now she was all nerves about Hak, too. "You look very handsome yourself," she muttered. There was something else she had to ask. Yona steeled herself. "Hak, are you sure you're okay with this? I know you said you'd go along with whatever i decided, but . . . Your feelings matter too. You were so angry at Soo-won. Sometimes it seemed like you were even more angry at him than i was. Do you think you could be happy, if we make peace with Soo-won?"

Hak leaned back and stared up at the rafters. "I don't know," he admitted. "Maybe. I miss him, but . . . I think it depends on what your plan is."

"I'm going to–" Yona started, but she caught sight of Soo-won in the doorway and cut herself off. "He's here," she hissed instead.

Hak sat up straight, and Yona tried to calm her breathing. It was fine. This was Soo-won. They'd already decided, last time they were all in Kuuto, that he wasn't an enemy. Before she could lose her nerve, she called out to him. "Soo-won!"

He spotted them. He was coming over.

"Yona, Hak," he greeted them. "Can i sit down?"

"Hn," Hak said. Yona kicked him under the table. "Of course you can," she told Soo-won.

He sat, and Yona noticed that he looked almost as nervous as she felt. That should be reassuring. She forced herself to take a deep breath. They were all trying their best.

"You wanted to see me," Soo-won said, and even though it didn't sound like a question, Yona could hear one being asked.

"Yes!" That was too loud, but Yona didn't let herself stop. "We wanted to talk to you. Because we miss you. Right, Hak?" Honestly, it was a mystery why Hak was honest when it was just the two of them, but he started acting like a jerk again as soon as Soo-won arrived.

Hak remained silent, but he did give a reluctant nod.

Soo-won tried to keep his face passive, but Yona caught the way his eyes widened slightly before he turned back to her. "Have you . . . had enough time to think, then?"

"I think so," Yona replied. "I've had enough time to think that holding a grudge only makes things worse. I think . . . i think it's more important to think about what you're going to do in the future than what you did in the past. And you're going to keep fighting to make Kouka a better place, right?"

"Of course," Soo-won responded instantly.

Yona smiled in relief. She hadn't expected him to say anything else, but it was good to hear it out loud. "We all want what's best for our country. I think we can agree on that."

Soo-won nodded firmly. "Yes."

"Yeah," Hak allowed.

"And we all miss each other, right?" Yona looked at Soo-won as she said this. They'd talked about their fathers' deaths, but not how Soo-won felt about her or Hak.

He swallowed. "I do miss you."

"Yes." Yona steeled herself. "I don't know if there's anything i can do about what you did to my father. Or what _he_ did to your father. So i think the best thing to do is to let the past go . . . " Her throat seized up, and Yona had to take a moment to swallow and get her bearings again. "I don't want to hate you, Soo-won," she said, when she was able to continue. "And i think holding a grudge when i can't tell who was in the right about something that happened so many years ago will only hurt more. But i don't think . . . i don't think i can go back to the way things were before, either. Too much has changed since my father died."

Soo-won bowed his head. "I understand."

"So this is what i want to do." Yona took a shaky breath. "I – i love you. I always have. Ever since we were little." Soo-won's eyes widened, and he started to speak, but Yona shook her head. She needed to get this all out at once. "I want to be with you. I thought that would change, or had changed, after you killed my father, but it didn't. The way i saw you changed, but my feelings didn't. And . . ." She had to pause for breath, but she couldn't let herself stop. There was a part of her that couldn't believe she was saying this at all. "And i love Hak, too. The same way. And we've talked, and he's not saying it now because he's a jerk, but he feels the same way about both of us. And i really want to be together with both of you. And so i want to ask how you feel, 'cause it didn't come up last time." That was too many ands. Yona's diction lessons had gone right out the window. Her father would be so disappointed.

Hopefully he wouldn't be too disappointed with her choices.

Soo-won looked a little dazed. Stunned, even. Yona had probably dumped way too much on him at once. "I don't know . . ." he said slowly. "I don't really know what romantic attraction _is,_ or how you know if you feel that way."

"We've noticed," Hak said drily.

"But i do know that i want to be with both of you. I thought i had to give up on my happiness for the sake of the country, because it meant betraying you both. But if you wanted to be with me, it would make me . . ." Yona noticed with wide eyes that he was starting to cry again, without even noticing, like before. "I would be happy."

Yona got up and went around the table to hug him tight. She didn't know what to say – anything that came to mind just didn't seem right – so she hugged him and hoped that said enough. She could feel her eyes burning with tears, which was stupid. This was what she wanted. There was no reason to cry.

Soo-won reached up to lay a hand on her arm, and then his free arm went around her waist. Yona gave him an extra squeeze, and looked over at Hak. Soo-won followed her gaze.

Hak hadn't moved. He wore his usual glower, but Yona was used to him and could see the way he was fighting to keep it there. She hoped Soo-won could see it too. Hak wasn't mad, he just hated to give in.

"I'm sorry, Hak," Soo-won said. "I wish i hadn't hurt you both. Can you forgive me?"

Hak stared over the table. Yona could hear his foot tapping underneath. He was going to drag this out! Just to be a jerk! It was one thing if he bullied her for the fun of it, but Soo-won too?

"Honestly!" she exclaimed. "Why are you being so stubborn? You both admitted that you miss each other more than you hate each other, so why don't you kiss and make up already?"

Soo-won and Hak looked at her, and then at each other. Hak shrugged. "If you say so, Yona," Soo-won replied. His eyes were dancing. He got up and went around the table to Hak, who seized the front of his robes and pulled him into a fierce kiss.

Yona took the few steps to them and pulled first Soo-won, then Hak, down into a kiss for herself. "We can't be the same as we were before," she said. "That's gone now. But we can make something new. I want to make something new together with both of you."

"That sounds wonderful," Soo-won said. "But what do you have in mind?"

"Yeah, Princess," Hak agreed. "You've been awfully close-mouthed about your plan."

Yona flushed. "I know. I was – i wanted to think it over carefully before i talked about it." She returned to her seat, but pulled it closer to Soo-won. Hak mirrored her on the other side. "It was hard being in Hiryuu Castle as your guest, Soo-won. And Hak wasn't allowed in at all."

"I can change that," Soo-won said instantly. "That time, Kye-sook was acting without consulting me. I've already told him not to do as he likes where you two are concerned. And your friends, of course."

"Thank you," Yona said, while Hak snorted his opinion of the whole debacle. "But that's not the only thing. I like going out as a, a regular person, and helping people that way. I think there's a lot of good we can do that way, separately from what a king or a queen can do from the top. I don't want to give that up. I thought . . . maybe we could create a new office. A, a secret royal inspector, or something like it. And then, if we hear about something bad going on, we can go out and look into it without anyone realizing the king is involved. And then if we need it, we will be acting on your authority."

"A secret royal inspector," Soo-won repeated thoughtfully. "I like it."

"So, basically, your plan is to do the same thing we've been doing, but with Soo-won's backing?" Hak asked.

Yona laughed, a little self-conscious. "Yes, it seemed like the best way to make peace with Soo-won while still helping people outside."

"Not bad." Hak grinned. "Might be fun throwing around the government's authority in front of these corrupt officials."

"Remember you'll be _secret_ royal inspectors, Hak," Soo-won chided. "You're only meant to reveal i sent you when you have to, right, Yona?"

"Yes," Yona said. "Of course there will be a time to show we have your authority, but it won't be anything like when you were a general, Hak."

"Well then, maybe i'll go join the Sky Tribe army and work my way up from the bottom to become general again," Hak said. His voice was so bland she couldn't tell if he was joking. Just in case, Yona reached a foot across Soo-won's ankles to kick him lightly.

"Don't take Joo-doh's job, Hak," Soo-won said, his voice fondly exasperated.

"He won't mind. He'll just be glad not to babysit you anymore."

Yona laughed. Soo-won shoved Hak's shoulder, but he looked delighted. "And you'll come back to the castle between investigations?" he asked.

"Absolutely," Yona affirmed. "We have to rebuild our relationship with each other too. I want to be with you."

"Yeah," Hak said, somehow making that one word the most positive thing he'd said all day.

Soo-won leaned from side to side, resting his head momentarily on Yona's shoulder and then Hak's. "But what does that mean?" he asked. "People will want to know. I . . . i have no idea what to do."

"I don't know yet," Yona admitted. "I have no idea what a relationship with three people will look like. But . . . i won't marry you. Either of you. I don't want to get married unless all three of us can do it together, and . . ."

"People aren't going to like that," Soo-won agreed.

Hak leaned forward and rested an elbow on the table so he could look at both of them. "You're the king, aren't you?" he pointed out. "Unless Yona becomes queen. They have to listen to you."

Yona laughed. Right now, becoming queen was the last thing on her mind. Maybe someday. Soo-won, on the other hand, seemed to be considering it. "I was always planning to step down once i had stabilized Kouka, and let Yona rule after that. I could still do that."

"No, but you've been doing a good job," Yona said thoughtfully. "Maybe we could set up some kind of joint-rule system. Another thing we need to figure out in the future, i suppose. I do want all three of us to be equal."

"Maybe we just need to build up enough goodwill that people will love us no matter what kind of strange things we do," Soo-won suggested.

Yona laughed as she reached up to pinch at his cheek. "You make it sound terrible. Helping people just so they'll think well of us."

"Whatever works, right?" Hak's eyes were dancing. Yona didn't think she'd seen him this happy in years.

"Not you too!" Yona kicked him under the table. She wasn't really mad. She couldn't stop smiling at her two men. "We've got all the time in the world. We can work it out."

"What d'you wanna do first?" Hak asked. "Like, now."

"Oh! Now . . ." Yona looked at Soo-won, but he looked as blank as she felt. "To start with, we should go talk to the others. The three of us have straightened ourselves out, but we should see how they feel about moving back into Hiryuu Castle. Now that we don't have to worry about being manipulated." It would probably be all right, she thought. The Dragons' only complaint from the time they spent there was to do with their forced separation from Yona, Hak, and Yoon, and Yoon himself had been talking about the library he hadn't been able to visit. But it was important to ask them, all the same.

Hak nodded in approval.

"Yes, please do," Soo-won added. "I'd like to get to know your friends."

Yona beamed at him. "I'm sure they'll love you, once they get to know you properly. It's just that it's been really hard to talk about you with them, because . . . Well. You know."

"I do." Soo-won looked down, and for a moment Yona didn't know if they could do this at all. The subject was still sore. Then Hak kicked Soo-won's seat. "You gotta earn their goodwill too."

"That's right!" They _did_ have a plan for Soo-won to make up for what he'd done. And the rest just took time. She reached out and took both their hands, squeezing tightly. Soo-won kicked Hak back.

"Then i'll go back to the castle and make sure everything's ready for you." Soo-won stood up, and gave Yona's hand a return squeeze before letting go.

"We'll meet you there," she promised. Hak had relaxed over the course of their conversation, enough that he was almost smiling now. And for the first time since Yona saw her father murdered, it felt like things were going right.

* * *

**A/N:** Dear Lugh, i never want to start posting a multichaptered story before i've finished it again. Thank You. And thank you to everyone who's had the patience to stick with it.

The Secret Royal Inspector, or Am-haeng-osa, was a real position in Korean government, though from a later time period than Kouka seems to be based on. Young officials would be sent out undercover from the capital to investigate reports of corruption among provincial officials. A Secret Royal Inspector had a rank equivalent to governor and could dismiss corrupt officials in the name of the king.


End file.
